Break Your Self Sabotage Patterns
How to Build Self-Esteem, Self-Worth & Confidence
If your life isn’t working out how you imagined, it might be time to explore new ways to transform your self-worth and self-confidence.
What would be possible if you could set a clear boundary and stand by it? What would your life be like if you could turn heads with your presence? What would it be like to attend social events without the social anxiety?
Living a life of abundant possibilities is available to all of us, even if we’re introverted, shy, anxious or lacking in confidence. Also, you don’t have to be invisible… and you won’t be, once your self-esteem, self-worth and confidence aligns with the real you!
What’s the difference between self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth?
When you have self-confidence, you can handle anything that comes your way. You act with bold conviction, whatever your circumstances. You know your deal-breakers and you embody clear boundaries without resentment.
When you have healthy self-esteem, you create your life based on YOUR choices, rather than the opinions of others. You feel good about yourself, you trust yourself, you love yourself, you perceive yourself as valuable in the world, irrespective of your achievements. Self-esteem emerges from the beliefs you have about yourself. You need healthy self-esteem to develop the confidence to meet life’s challenges.
When you have self-worth, you value and are grateful for your energy, your time, your capabilities, your creations and your contributions, without being an ego-maniac or succumbing to imposter syndrome! You know you deserve and are worthy of what you have and the abundant possibilities that show up for you.
Do you have poor self-esteem or low self-worth?
Here’s how you can tell… listen to your self-talk for twenty-four hours or so and observe:
Are you constantly putting yourself down, either out loud or inside your head?
Are you in the habit of always thinking you’re not good enough to have what you desire?
Do you believe that nothing you do works?
Do you think that you’re less attractive, less desirable and less popular than other people?
Do you expect that nothing will ever change?
Do you make jokes at your own expense?
Do you feel flustered when you are offered a compliment?
Do you think you’re not doing enough to make a difference?
Do you not ask for what you deserve because you think no-one will believe you deserve it?
Underneath all of these self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours is the belief that you’re not good enough, not worthy, not deserving of the goodness and beauty that life can offer. This collection of judgements take over your confidence and stop you from living the life of your dreams.
These self-sabotage patterns start unconsciously, in childhood, often before you can even express yourself clearly. Please don’t blame yourself for your situation!
If you’ve had enough of always feeling ‘not enough’ then you’re in the right place to begin to change these patterns by seeing yourself clearly, rather than through the lenses of your caregivers or childhood experiences.
What if the many judgements, projections and expectations you became aware of as a child or teenager are not yours to solve… What if you can re-pattern your thoughts, feelings and emotions to expand your awareness of who you truly are… Discovering there is nothing wrong with you is one of the gifts that breaking up with self-sabotage will give you!
Are you ready to identify your core identity blocks and rewrite the script of your life? It’s easier than you imagine and I promise it will make a difference to how you enjoy your life!
How to improve your self-worth & boost your self-confidence
If you’re committed to changing your self-worth and expanding your self-confidence, the tools below are a great place to start… If you prefer to have a trusted mentor offer support and insight as you go through this process, this is a service I offer, as a psychologist and life coach committed to inviting my clients to experience full self-empowerment.
1. SELF-LOVE AFFIRMATIONS
Using affirmations that boost your self-confidence and boot out your inner critic are a great way to rewire your neural pathways. Choose 3-5 affirmations that make a shift in the way you see yourself and record them in your voice. Play daily or overnight (quietly!) and notice the small changes that occur.
2. BUILD SELF-TRUST
Making tiny changes in your habits builds trust in yourself and your capacity to thrive. What is the smallest commitment to loving yourself can you make and follow through with? This may look like swapping doom-scrolling for watching the sunset, or drinking water instead of sugary drinks. Or maybe it’s about saying ‘hello’ with a smile to three strangers a day… Feel into what will move the needle in your worthiness and confidence.
3. HAVE GRATITUDE FOR YOU
We are taught to have gratitude for life, but no-one explains that we should also have gratitude for ourselves. Living can be intense in these times. When you feel gratitude for 3-5 things that you are / showed up for / created etc each day, your appreciation of your strengths and accomplishments will amplify. As you have gratitude for yourself, it opens the door for others to notice and appreciate you too!
4. RECEIVE COMPLIMENTS GRACIOUSLY
If you have a tendency to brush off compliments as if you don’t deserve them, or you blush every time someone even looks at you, it’s time to up your compliments game! A simple ‘thank you’ accompanied by a smile is a really good start. You don’t have to offer a compliment in return. Bask in the acknowledgement!
5. THE ‘PET’ TEST
If your self-talk is out of hand and you are constantly thinking bad things about yourself, judging yourself and making yourself wrong, please think about a beloved pet and ask ‘Would you treat your sweet pet like this?’ If not, it’s time to stop treating you like this!
The easiest way to change a habit is to swap it out for a new one. What positive habit can you replace this judgement with? Could you hug yourself? Or repeat a mantra like ‘I am love, I am confident, I am wonderful just as I am.’ Or maybe you could just give yourself a cheeky smile in the mirror… tiny actions like these will begin your transformation process!
Transform social anxiety & social avoidance into social confidence!
It’s also possible to change the negative beliefs and experiences that may have defined your social connections and stopped you from living a full and joyful life.
When you function from a victim mindset, your social experiences show up in the form of shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear and even unmet desire. As you begin to build your social confidence, you experience a more neutral perspective, where courage, willingness, acceptance, compassion and joy replace negative experiences.
With more practice your inner light expands and you begin to find greater enjoyment and popularity in your relationships, at work, socially and in the course of your daily life.
Where do you start?
Surround yourself with positive influences. Hang out with people who build others up, rather than pulling them down. Place yourself in situations where genuine social contact is available and offered in integrity.
Ready for true empowerment and deep healing of your self-worth issues?
Are you ready to step into your power and live your true potential? Work with me and I’ll show you how to harness the abundant possibilities waiting for you. I’ll lead you along the path of empowerment which creates success in all areas of your life, and a future beyond your wildest dreams.
Belief reframing is so powerful. Together, we delve deep and discover what you really believe, what you tell yourself about yourself when things go wrong, what you believe and expect from other people. Together we look at what empowered self-talk would be, reframe your unhelpful, limiting beliefs and reprogram your unconscious mind to create the life you’ve longed for.
This will be supported by work on your self-worth and your shadow, where I’ll guide you into:
Unapologetically stepping into your power and transforming your self-worth.
Learning to love and value your true worth.
Getting to know, listen to and love your inner child; soothing her/his inner fears. You’ll unearth and allow your inner child’s true beauty to shine.
Together we can identify your core identity blocks, such as ‘I’m Not Enough’ or ‘I’m invisible’. Following the Feminine Power life-coaching process, I’ll support and encourage you to:
Disrupt your blocks.
Drop your old story about yourself.
Change your inner world, creating unshakable confidence and belief in yourself to empower you to live a new story with new possibilities and new opportunities.
Learn missing skills to support you living your new story.
The work we’ll do together will:
Help you become conscious of your inner critic.
Show you how to disempower and stop that inner critic and replace it with an inner cheer leader.
Change your life as if by magic, as I teach you the powerful and easy technique to ‘script’ and manifest the life you desire to lead.
This is the magic of being able to bring your dreams into reality. If this is what you’d love to do, you’ve come to the right place. This is my specialty, and I have a track record of helping thousands of people transform their lives in this way.